Where All Hell Gets Ready to Break Loose

We haven't told them yet, but it has become apparent that the girls are going to FREAK when they find out we're moving to the Cape. If tonight's eruption of 'tween drama ("She's using my stereo!!!!"), angst ("No one loves me!!!"), perceptions of persecution ("So, it's ALWAYS my fault!!??"), and just plain lip ("Are you SERIOUS!?" - said with TONE that would have earned me a smack in the mouth) is any indication, we're fucked.

Dan is committed to doing this - he even got a job down there today and he's thrilled. But the girls are going to make this very hard for him, and I am going to hate watching that. And I'm going to hate being cast as the bad guy. Cuz you know I'm going to be the one who is taking Daddy away. Sigh.

I know, I know...

...but can I tell you once again how lucky I am?

Dan came home from work and suggested a walk on the beach. He wrote Dano *hearts* Jessica in the sand. Right this minute he is in the kitchen chopping and frying and making something involving potatoes and cheese and bacon and onions. I've never had a man write in the sand or cook for me.

I so love him.

SueBob may want to skip this post...

...because I know she hates posts bout this topic. My apologies.

It's 3 am, and I'm probably up for the duration. Why, you ask - because Dan just hurled.

Oddly, and thankfully, I was downstairs on the couch. Whatever is NOW ailing me is making me cough like crazy (I have a feeling it's allergies and a low-grade sinus infection - contraband antibiotics are clearing my throat nicely), so I went downstairs because Dan seemed restless (NOT normal for him) and I didn't want to keep him up. I was pretty much awake when I heard IT.

Those of you who know me or have been reading for any length of time know about my problem with this. My heart was HAMMERING away in my chest, but I went upstairs to see if he was OK (this must be love, because, um, I really just wanted to get in the car and flee). He said it must have been something he ate (we ate the same things, and I'm fine), and went back to sleep. This amazes me, because this event in me is always preceded by HOURS of nausea, crying, heart hammering, and pacing. Because I am not normal.

Dan's been sick for days with a nasty cold, and tonight he was cranky and not at all himself. Whatever it was, I hope it's gone, and that I don't get it - aren't I a sweet girlfriend?

It's 3:30 am, and I'm so freaked that I am wide awake. I went and bought cigarettes after not smoking all day (I figured I'd quit for my new life). And here I sit....

Trippin'

I'm heading to the Cape tomorrow to house hunt. I'm starting to get a little stressed about the whole housing thing - I really really really want a place before I start the new job. Really. And, I'll also feel better when the CORI comes through and the offer is OFFICIAL. So, yeah, just a little stress, but I just keep thinking about how great this will all be once I get settled and into the swing of things.

I'm anxious to be able to make the official announcement on my library blog, because I would like to get all the pointers and feedback I can from people who are/have been library directors and managers. The published literature seems to focus on "leadership," (which also just ends up sounding like a lot of male puffed-up-edness and hot air) and quite frankly, I'm not worried about that. I'm want info on the nuts-and-bolts. The legalities. The technicalities. And I'm sure my library blog buddies will be willing and able to help.

On the health front, I have a giant, icky tonsil, which I am sure is the result of a long, low-level sinus infection left over from the last cold and the latest round of allergies. I get this every year around this time - so why-oh-why does if make me a nervous wreck every. single. year? Unfortunately I packed away the antibiotics I horde for just this type of thing, so I envision myself unpacking lots of boxes this evening. No, I will not go to the doctor - basically because I won't get an appointment with my ENT for at least a month, and he's the only doctor I will see (unless I am dying). So, yeah.

Dan's at a Yankees Game in NY tonight with a friend - he's never been to NYC, he hasn't done anything fun in a long time, and I think he deserved a break from the chaos that has been life lately. I hope he's having a blast!

Send good housing mojo my way!

Poor no More

After I pass my CORI (criminal background check), and get the offer in writing, I will be the director of a public library! What? Huh? God.

It's just now sinking in, and there are moments when I feel completely overwhelmed (but in a mostly good way). Dan and I have been talking and planning and angsting (the girls are NOT going to be happy about this) and dancing. I've been fantasizing and strategizing, and the hunt is on for a place to live. I've just finally settled into Dan's, and now the upheaval starts all over again - and I couldn't be happier.

So, the deal with the job is that I will be "in charge" of an entire library and its staff. I will raise money, I will buy books, I will collaborate with other town agencies, I will plan programs, I will schmooze, I will go to meetings, I will write grants, I will institute new technologies, I will try to make sure the place doesn't burn to the ground. I will do all of this and more for a big chunk of money, full benefits, and a ridiculously cushy schedule, meetings not withstanding.

I will be making almost $40,000 more than I make right this minute. I will be making almost $10,000 more than my creepy Director makes here (hee hee hee). Is it bad that thinking about the money fills me with glee? I am not a materialistic person. I am not extravagant. I own nothing cool or trendy or hip, and that's OK with me. I cannot imagine what it will be like to not crumble in PANIC when the car breaks down the next time - I will be able to fix it! I will not have to chose between paying the gas or paying the electric. I will never again (hopefully) have to watch Dan cry because he had to borrow money to buy milk and Cheerios for his kids. And all that is great. But there is this evil part of me that just keeps thinking about a new laptop and a couple pairs of Keens....

If all goes according to plan, I start June first.

In the meantime, if any of you have any Cape Cod connections, let me know.

OMG

So, tomorrow I will have more details about the job - I'm anxious to find out when I will be starting etc etc etc.

Tonight has been full of excitement and, because I am me (you've met me, right?), anxiety. Sadly, Mom did not seem all that happy about this whole thing, because I will be leaving her. I'm hardly going to the end of the Earth (it's an hour and a half away), but as I've mentioned before, we're unnaturally close. I'm her friend, her most constant companion, and her ride - she doesn't drive. I think she's freaked. So, while I get it, I was bummed that after all the congrats I got from my close friends (and even Geoff was sincerely excited for me), Mom just wasn't thrilled.

Dan is happy, and very happy for me, but I KNOW this move is going to be a huge adjustment for him. Not only has he lived on this island his entire life, it means moving away from the kids. Right now he can be with them whenever he wants within 10 minutes - the move will likely mean seeing them every other weekend. Because I am not a parent, or their mother, I can see from a very practical standpoint that in the end, this will be better for everyone (and I am selfishly including myself in this mix).

But, right now, it means a big change, and one that won't be met with happiness by the girls. I just hope that at some point they will be happy that their Dad is happy. If nothing else, he's happy that he will be able to get a job doing what he's been trained to do, which is being a chef.

And, um, we're not going to be destitute anymore!

Thank you for all of your congrats. It's weird - it makes me very happy that peole I've never met are so excited for me.

Holy Freakin' Shit!

I got the job!!!!!!!!

OMG, what have I done!?

Gorgeous

Max

I had today off, so we took the kids to the beach this morning for an Earth Day clean-up. It's the first time I've spent a whole Saturday with everyone, and I'm happy to report that we had a great time. The twins were in good moods, the girls were helpful, the weather was stunning, and it's the first time I've seen Dan relax in weeks.

Dano and Max

Things have been getting easier for me in this new situation - thank God. Darth is warming up to me, and it was great to be able to actually help get him dressed, get him in the car, carry him around the beach, and push him on the swings. Up until now, I have had to just hang back, as trying to help hadn't proved to be helpful at all - and that's been frustrating. Sissy (as Darth calls her), on the other hand, is still not overly fond of me. She's attached to Dan at all times, and she takes any attention that he pays to me as a personal affront. But, she also knows which side her bread is buttered on - when it was time to play on the swing, and Dan wasn't around, she allowed me to pick her up and push her back and forth. She's smart and tough - lucky me!

Yeah, this face says it all!

Dan is doing his last Saturday night shift, and I'm thrilled. Perhaps now we'll be able to go on a date! Huh, I'm doing this backward, aren't I?

(I didn't get a good picture of Coolio today - next time!)

Darth and Max